The Greatest Loss of Them All
Perhaps the hardest task you will ever be faced with is to help one of your parents cope with the loss of her spouse. Naturally, this is going to be a traumatic time for the whole family because as much as mom lost her husband and the father of her children, you have lost your daddy and you have grief yourself. So how do you help your mom and grandma to your kids get through this very difficult transition?
It will be a time when you will need the understanding and support of your spouse and kids as well. And just as the grief you are coping with in yourself and in your now widowed mother is difficult, you also have to be strong and brave for your children as well.
This is the purpose of the funeral because through the good words of the minister, those not as close to the family feel closure that this good life has gone on to his reward. If your dad was ill and going through a lot of discomfort, there is often a sense of relief that he is no longer suffering. And if the family is strong in a religious faith, that assurance of the afterlife is a source of comfort as well.
Only you will be able to gauge how much support or comfort your widowed mother needs in the days just after the passing. It’s important to remember that grief surfaces in strange ways. Many times the real deep grief does not surface at the funeral or even in the days just after as family stays around to be close and go through group processing of the loss of a loved one.
It’s when family goes home and the routine of daily life sets in that you should plan to be very accessible to your parent. That is when the emotions of grief will surface in the quiet and privacy of the home. It might be advisable in this kind of situation that you live with the grieving parent for period of a week or two to help with the transition.
Another thing about grief is that it is selfish. While we put a noble face on it and say we are grieving “for” the lost one, the truth is the grief is really for the one who remains because it is she who has to learn to go through life’s routines without that spouse. By being present during mealtime and those little moments of the day, you can “talk through” the different times when your widowed parent remembers that the dearly departed was part of this part of life.
There will be a lot of rebuilding during those first months of being alone. So you as caregiver can help that transition by not letting the times of loneliness be so long between visits. Obviously, your parent will eventually have to learn to get through the rituals of life alone. But be there for her so that transition is not so jarring.
But even if your parents was stoic at the funeral and only shows a happy face to the grandkids, there will come a time when she has to cry. Be there for her. Don’t try to come up with any “comforting words.” Just being present, maybe doing the dishes or pouring each of you a glass of wine can be the biggest comfort you can provide.
Finally talk about the dearly departed. Ministers know the value of talking about the fun, interesting and wonderful things about the dearly departed. It is a way of reminding ourselves that he didn’t really go away. The memory of him will be here forever in your hearts. So take some evenings and sit down with that box of family photos and go through them with the widowed parent and laugh about the different events of your family history when you were just a little squirt and mom and dad were young and good looking kids themselves.
The joy of these times will be tremendously healing for the grieving senior citizen and for you too. But by going through grief, healing, closure and moving on together, you bond with your parent and lay the groundwork for the important care giving challenges you and she will face together in the months and years to come. But you will face them and you will conquer them because you are going to do it together.
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Disclaimer
The Publisher has strived to be as accurate and complete as possible in the creation of this website, notwithstanding the fact that he does not warrant or represent at any time that the contents within are accurate due to the rapidly changing nature of the Internet.
This site is a common sense guide to The Greatest Loss of Them All. In practical advice websites, like anything else in life, there are no guarantees of income made. Readers are cautioned to reply on their own judgment about their individual circumstances to act accordingly.
This site is not intended for use as a source of legal, business, accounting or financial advice. All readers are advised to seek services of competent professionals in legal, business, accounting, and finance field.
Any perceived slights of specific people or organizations are unintentional.
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The Caregiver’s Emotions
When the End is near
The Caregiver’s Greatest Enemy
Where Should Grandma Live?
That Thing We Don’t Talk About
That Thing We Don’t Talk About
When is it Time to Step in?
Making a Difference Together
Caring for the Caregiver
Caregivers and the Work Place
Caregivers and the Work Place
When is it Time to Step in?
A Stressful Job
Senior Citizens Bill of Rights
Quality of Life for your Senior Citizen
Easing into Care Giving
Taking Care of Yourself is Part of the Job
Does Grandpa Like Himself?
Managing Your Senior Citizen’s Medications
Giving Thanks for Being a Caregiver
Where Should Grandma Live?
Easing into Care Giving
Making a Difference Together
Quality of Life for your Senior Citizen
Is Mom a Sucker?
Keeping it at Arm’s Length
Listening to Your Parents even Now
The Greatest Loss of Them All
Taking Care of Yourself is Part of the Job
The Greatest Loss of Them All
Is Mom a Sucker?
Listening to Your Parents even Now
Does Grandpa Like Himself?
Giving Thanks for Being a Caregiver
A Place to Go
Going to a Better Place
Caring for the Caregiver
When the End is near
A Place to Go
We Are the Sandwich Generation
We Are the Sandwich Generation
Keeping it at Arm’s Length
Managing Your Senior Citizen’s Medications
Guilt Helps Nobody
The Caregiver’s Greatest Enemy
Guilt Helps Nobody
A Stressful Job
Senior Citizens Bill of Rights
Going to a Better Place
The Caregiver’s Emotions
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